Wednesday, July 31, 2013
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Funny Stories : Drunk Test
Monday, July 29, 2013
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube. It seems you drunk
"The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
So how I prove that you drunk
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube. It seems you drunk
"The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
So how I prove that you drunk
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Call 911 Joke
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
A man with A Horse
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Once a man bought a horse. You had to say "hallelujah" to make it go and "amen" to make it stop.
The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff. He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop.
He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying "amen".
The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. 'hallelujah' said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse.
The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff. He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop.
He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying "amen".
The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. 'hallelujah' said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse.
Virus on your Mac
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
Sending Wrong Emails
Once a couple was supposed to go on vacation together, but due to being on a business tour the wife could not accompany her husband. So the husband had to go alone.
His wife would join him the following day. After arriving at the destination he wanted to communicate with his wife through email. So he started to write an email. But being absent minded he did a mistake and mistyped a letter while writing address.
And the mail reached a widow whose husband was a aged preacher and had just died before a day. The inconsolable widow thought to check her email, she opened her mail, had a look at the screen, let out a sharp shout, and chop down to the ground in a dead pale. The others of the family heard this shout and ran into the room. They found a note on the monitor:
Darling, I got checked in. Everything has been prepared for your well entrance tomorrow.
His wife would join him the following day. After arriving at the destination he wanted to communicate with his wife through email. So he started to write an email. But being absent minded he did a mistake and mistyped a letter while writing address.
And the mail reached a widow whose husband was a aged preacher and had just died before a day. The inconsolable widow thought to check her email, she opened her mail, had a look at the screen, let out a sharp shout, and chop down to the ground in a dead pale. The others of the family heard this shout and ran into the room. They found a note on the monitor:
Darling, I got checked in. Everything has been prepared for your well entrance tomorrow.
Funny Teacher's Story
A brand new teacher had been working to make use of the children's mindsets programs.
She began the children's course and announcing that, "stand up boys who thinks that you are stupid"
After a couple of seconds, Little John stood upwards.
The actual teacher stated,
"Can you think you are silly, Small John?"
"Virtually not any, dame, but I don't like to see you standing up there simply by yourself!”
She began the children's course and announcing that, "stand up boys who thinks that you are stupid"
After a couple of seconds, Little John stood upwards.
The actual teacher stated,
"Can you think you are silly, Small John?"
"Virtually not any, dame, but I don't like to see you standing up there simply by yourself!”
