Thursday, August 15, 2013
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Working Cards at ATMs
One day in line for the automatic teller I overheard:
[Person 1]: Gee, I don't get it..
[Person 2]: What's wrong?
[Person 1]: My card wont work.
[Person 2]: Did anything happen to it?
[Person 1]: I don't think so... It wasn't working very well for a while, so I rubbed the strip on the back with a magnet to recharge it... Now it isn't working at all!
[Person 1]: Gee, I don't get it..
[Person 2]: What's wrong?
[Person 1]: My card wont work.
[Person 2]: Did anything happen to it?
[Person 1]: I don't think so... It wasn't working very well for a while, so I rubbed the strip on the back with a magnet to recharge it... Now it isn't working at all!
God Story
Monday, August 5, 2013
One day boy wanted One hundred dollars terribly. He prayed for more than week but no interesting thing happened.
He then made a decision to create God a letter asking a One hundred dollar. Once the postal authority of USA realized that someone has addressed his letter to
God, they
decided to send it to President Bush.
The President amazed as well as interested and he
instructed his admin to send the little child a $5.00 money voucher.
President Bush thought this could appear to be a lot of cash with a
little boy.
The small boy was thrilled using the $5.00 and sitting into create any
thanks take notice in order to be able for you to help God, which examine:
Beloved God,
Thanks to you regarding delivering the money, however, I seen
which for whatever reason you had to deliver it by means of California D.C.
and also, as usual, individuals thieves subtracted $95.00.
He then made a decision to create God a letter asking a One hundred dollar. Once the postal authority of USA realized that someone has addressed his letter to
God, they
decided to send it to President Bush.
The President amazed as well as interested and he
instructed his admin to send the little child a $5.00 money voucher.
President Bush thought this could appear to be a lot of cash with a
little boy.
The small boy was thrilled using the $5.00 and sitting into create any
thanks take notice in order to be able for you to help God, which examine:
Beloved God,
Thanks to you regarding delivering the money, however, I seen
which for whatever reason you had to deliver it by means of California D.C.
and also, as usual, individuals thieves subtracted $95.00.
Leftovers Peanuts
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A priest was visiting an old Lady in her home. She offered him coffee and they sat down in the living room for a nice chat.
After a while the man saw a bowl of peanuts at the side table. He asked the old Lady if he could have one. She said of course, help yourself.
After a little while he took some more and she just smiled. So when he wanted even more he said: I am eating so many of your peanuts, I hope it is OK.
She answered him: Eat them all if you want! I cannot chew them with no teeth so I have just sucked of the chocolate on all of them.
After a while the man saw a bowl of peanuts at the side table. He asked the old Lady if he could have one. She said of course, help yourself.
After a little while he took some more and she just smiled. So when he wanted even more he said: I am eating so many of your peanuts, I hope it is OK.
She answered him: Eat them all if you want! I cannot chew them with no teeth so I have just sucked of the chocolate on all of them.
Child Funny Stories
Saturday, August 3, 2013
One day a small kid is asking his mom about,
"how man take part of the world first time?"
Mom : My Son, First God make a lady called "Eva" and a man called "Adam" and they had babies and we are here due to result of them. It was a chain process.
Son : But mom father says a different thing, He told me that we are coming from apes and they are our ancestors.
Mom : My Son, Absolutely what happened is, he told you about his family background and I am talking about mine.
"how man take part of the world first time?"
Mom : My Son, First God make a lady called "Eva" and a man called "Adam" and they had babies and we are here due to result of them. It was a chain process.
Son : But mom father says a different thing, He told me that we are coming from apes and they are our ancestors.
Mom : My Son, Absolutely what happened is, he told you about his family background and I am talking about mine.
An Honest Lawyer
An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent,
so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an
in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive..... And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive..... And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Mr Rabbit and Mr Bear
Friday, August 2, 2013
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like
each other very much.
One day, while walking through the woods,
and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog
talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet
anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told
them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were
females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a
while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he
placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his
second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests
were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then
Mr. Bear And Mr. Rabbit
7
wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on
board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had
wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his
head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world
were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr.
Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wishthat Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.
How to Catch a Rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a
test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch
it.
The CIA goes in.
They
place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant
and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations
they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After
two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it
coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
When a lawyer died
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A lawyer died and
was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity
here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the
devil said.
In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."
In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."
In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of warms infested garbage, all drinking coffee.
"I'll choose this room," he said.
Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.
Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."
In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."
In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."
In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of warms infested garbage, all drinking coffee.
"I'll choose this room," he said.
Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.
Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."
The First Man to You
The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby.
One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper,
"Darling am I the first man to make love to you?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said. "And also the best too.
I don't know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.
One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper,
"Darling am I the first man to make love to you?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said. "And also the best too.
I don't know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.
Funny Stories : Drunk Test
Monday, July 29, 2013
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube. It seems you drunk
"The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
So how I prove that you drunk
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube. It seems you drunk
"The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine.
I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
So how I prove that you drunk
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Call 911 Joke
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
A man with A Horse
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Once a man bought a horse. You had to say "hallelujah" to make it go and "amen" to make it stop.
The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff. He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop.
He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying "amen".
The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. 'hallelujah' said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse.
The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff. He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop.
He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying "amen".
The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. 'hallelujah' said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse.
Virus on your Mac
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
Sending Wrong Emails
Once a couple was supposed to go on vacation together, but due to being on a business tour the wife could not accompany her husband. So the husband had to go alone.
His wife would join him the following day. After arriving at the destination he wanted to communicate with his wife through email. So he started to write an email. But being absent minded he did a mistake and mistyped a letter while writing address.
And the mail reached a widow whose husband was a aged preacher and had just died before a day. The inconsolable widow thought to check her email, she opened her mail, had a look at the screen, let out a sharp shout, and chop down to the ground in a dead pale. The others of the family heard this shout and ran into the room. They found a note on the monitor:
Darling, I got checked in. Everything has been prepared for your well entrance tomorrow.
His wife would join him the following day. After arriving at the destination he wanted to communicate with his wife through email. So he started to write an email. But being absent minded he did a mistake and mistyped a letter while writing address.
And the mail reached a widow whose husband was a aged preacher and had just died before a day. The inconsolable widow thought to check her email, she opened her mail, had a look at the screen, let out a sharp shout, and chop down to the ground in a dead pale. The others of the family heard this shout and ran into the room. They found a note on the monitor:
Darling, I got checked in. Everything has been prepared for your well entrance tomorrow.
Funny Teacher's Story
A brand new teacher had been working to make use of the children's mindsets programs.
She began the children's course and announcing that, "stand up boys who thinks that you are stupid"
After a couple of seconds, Little John stood upwards.
The actual teacher stated,
"Can you think you are silly, Small John?"
"Virtually not any, dame, but I don't like to see you standing up there simply by yourself!”
She began the children's course and announcing that, "stand up boys who thinks that you are stupid"
After a couple of seconds, Little John stood upwards.
The actual teacher stated,
"Can you think you are silly, Small John?"
"Virtually not any, dame, but I don't like to see you standing up there simply by yourself!”
